Reasons do not Equal Excuses

my 13 year old daughter and i had a confrontation today. the details are unimportant - but i will say today was the third incident of the same thing in less than a week. it's not a "big deal" thing - it's the repeat that pisses me off. so she gives me the whole "it wasn't my fault" along with "it won't happen again".

so my question to her was - if it really wasn't your fault - then how can you tell me that it won't happen again? the two claims are pretty much mutually exclusive. either you have no control over it happening - in which case you have no control over it happening again OR it WAS your fault because of choices that you made and so it theoretically could happen again (like how it has happened three times in less than a week despite your assurances the previous two times that it would not).

i told her during her pleading to not be grounded for TWO WHOLE DAYS that one of the things that made me more angry was her refusal to take responsibility for it. we all screw up. we all screw up unintentionally - in fact - i think probably most of our screw ups are unintentional. she went on and on about how it wasn't her fault because of all these reasons that led up to her repeating this particular violation. i was trying to get across to her that reasons are not excuses. everyone has reasons for the choices they make - for better or worse - but your reasons do not give you an EXCUSE. as she was protesting the unfairness of being grounded for two days she asked me what the big deal was. and for me  - a lot of the "big deal" has to do with taking responsibility. i hope to teach her how to take responsibility. it took me a really long time to learn the difference between reasons and excuses - and i hope that she learns it earlier than me (or at the very least that she learns it at all! - said every parent ever!). i have found a certain freedom that comes with accepting responsibility for your  life and stopping assigning blame outside yourself for your decisions. don't get me wrong - i still fall into the blame trap once in a while (who doesn't?) but today clarified for me one of my parenting missions - help daughter know that reasons are not excuses.