i haven't written in a while because apparently i am really sensitive to being interrupted when i write. i was mid-blog after my portland trip and my fam was urging me to spend time with them so i quit mid-blog. i never finished that blog and am only now writing again - only because it REALLY needs to be expressed.
there are a couple of things that are expressing need to be expressed right now. mostly, my mother was pronounced cancer free this week. the story is a funny one. she went to the ER for something (i don't know or care because it's secondary to the story). side note - she just started seeing a naturopath in portland recently. at the ER she asked the docs to do a scan because her naturopath was wondering if she still had a cervix (she had a hysterectomy 13 years ago). The opinion came back that not onlydid she have a cervix, but a uterus too AND no cancer. WHAT??!! we all think. the no cancer pronunciation is suspect - at least in my mind - because of the "you have a uterus" thing.
a week later she goes to her naturopath (who is also an MD for anyone who thinks that naturopaths are fake doctors) who gives her an ultrasound that reveals - no cancer and no uterus.
i think the main point of this blog post is that before i went to visit my mom in portland, i had to actively fight off tears on a regular basis over the prospect of losing my mom. while i was there i dealt with a lot of those feelings. i came back with a better grip on life without my mom. and now here are doctors saying cancer is gone! i feel like i have been a very special gift - that of dealing best i could with losing her. i mean, nobody knows when anybody is going to die - that is out of our hands. all we really have is our reaction. though it has been rough at times, i am thankful for the experience. now i can enjoy my mom even more because i had to face the prospect of not having her
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