sadness and gratitude

i went to the library today and got two of vandana shiva's books, water wars and monoculture of the mind. i became interested in her because she keeps appearing in documentaries kev and i have been watching. i am in the middle of water wars right now. the book begins with a hymn from the rig veda which i wouold like to reproduce.

waters, you are the ones that bring us the life force.
help us to find nourishment,
so that we may look upon great joy.
let us share in the most delicious sap that you have,
as if you are loving mothers,
let us go straight to the house of the one,
for whom you waters gave us life and gave us birth.
for our well-being, let the goddeses be an aid to us,
the waters be for us to drink.
let them cause well-being and health to flow over us.
mistresses of all the things that are chosen,
rulers over all peoples,
the waters are the ones i beg for a cure.
waters - yield your cure as armor for my body,
so that i may see the sun a long time.
waters - carry away all of this that has gone bad in me.
either that i have done in malicious deceit,
or whatever lie i have sworn to,
i here sort the waters today.
we have joined with their sap,
oh agni, full of moisture,
come and flood me with splendor!


the book then turns to water crises all over the world. my heart hurts for what is being done to our planet and to the people on this planet by greed. the contrast between the reverence suggested in the hymn and reckless and often downright evil ways use water now makes me want to cry. we take so much for granted. i said recently in a survey that if i could have a super power it would be an empathy ray because the world is sadly lacking in empathy.

even though some of the stuff i am learning makes me sad, i am glad i am learning about it. and it brings into sharp focus how much kevin has blessed my life in ways beyond just loving me. before i was with him, i gave about as much thought to my actions and how they affect the web of life as the average american - little to none. but over the past two years, kevin's ecological conscience has opened my eyes to a lot of things. life, in all its manifestations, ais precious and every time i choose to spend more money on something organic - not just because its better for me but because i genuinely care that the farmland that created the food was not poisoned so that i could have bell pepper - i feel more connected. i realize that each choice i make has consequences, however small, and thank kevin for opening my eyes to that fact. i know i am not perfect, but every little bit helps. at first the thought of living in a cob house in the middle of nowhere with kevin's rain collecting and energy generating devices freaked me out quite a bit, but now i understand why he wants these things, and i am ok with that.