Monday, May 31, 2010

life without my mother

i try not to dwell too much on the possibility of life without my mother, but it's always a nagging feeling there in the back of my mind. i know that nobody has any guarantees on life, but dealing with an illness in someone you love makes you ponder death more often than you otherwise would. every time i imagine my mother being gone it's too much for my brain to handle. my mother is one of my best friends and i think the world is a better place for her being in it. i know that her influence and the good she has done will live on after she does, but i can't hug influence. i wish that i could go live in portland too, or that salt lake was better option for my mom to live. i am a bit jealous that my brother and adrienne get to have my mom.

mom is sleeping right now. she is leaving tomorrow and i am sad about that. i wish i had more time to spend with her. at least i had this nice long weekend. i enjoyed cooking for her - we have always bonded over food. i have many things to be thankful for, but i wish i had more mom time.

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