thoughts on love

with kevin gone, i really notice all the million little things he does for me. not that i don't appreciate him every single minute of every single day, but his absence really brings home to me how much he does to take care of me. i was having a discussion with a friend earlier about showing love, so i have been thinking about it. there are so many ways to show someone you love them, and it's sad when the other person doesn't realize your ways because they have an expectation of how one shows love. i need to make sure that kevin knows exactly how much i appreciate him and what he does to show me he loves me. i like to think of it as "pixie-proofing". most of my previous relationships have been someone falling on love with crazy me - then immediately trying to change those precise things that make me "me". kevin knows my crazies (my best friend is his sis - so when i was going through crazy pixie stuff i would talk to her and she would talk to him *as a neutral third party :) *). if i do things he considers might be dangerous to me he talks to me - but otherwise he just lets me be me. and i refer to it as "pixie-proofing" because he stands on the outside of my whirlwind and lets me whirl while he creates a "padding" so i don't get hurt. mostly i am just in awe that i found someone as great for me as him, but then i think of horrors i have been through and i think i deserve this. actually i think everyone deserves this because if everyone had love like this i think the world would be a better place.

now i have a blog again

hooray! i have missed blogging. i was just reading the blog of one of my surrogate mothers from jr. high/high school. it is so nice to be able to have these glimpses into the lives of people who would not otherwise be a part of my life right now. i am so thankful for the internet to allow me to have these connections.
though, i will be on the computer a lot less a week from now. i am a bit anxious for work to start because i don't know who i will be working with - i mean i am not even sure if they even found someone to fill the position. i am confident that it won't be worse than the beginning of last year (they had a retired exchange teacher form mexico who didn't really speak english and had never taught kindegarten - in addition to this she wouldn't take a suggestion to save her life - she went back to mexico in octiber). if i can survive that i can survive anything. it's just weird because if they haven't hired anyone i may be shuffled off to another job in the school :(
well, i need to go get some cat litter so i'll sign off for now.