a step-dad for my little

so, kevin has never been a big fan of children. mostly he is disappointed with the way our species behaves toward our planet and thinks the world would be better off if we would please stop breeding and just die off. in light of this, i am really amazed and grateful for the relationship he has ended up forging with my daughter.

for the first couple years, he pretty much left the parenting to me (with occasional behind-the-scenes advice or insight), though he was always friendly with cass and genuinely liked her. but over the last year and a half or so, their relationship has really grown. it has been really touching to watch as they have become family to each other. kevin thinks of himself as a dad to her, and she has never really had that in any of my previous relationships (excepting, of course, her actual father). for the first time since her dad and i split, i feel like i have support raising my daughter.

it has been a real joy watching them grow to love each other. i am so thankful for my little family. they both bless my life in so many ways and i am a lucky lucky lady.

Freedom and Education and how we are failing

I am going to begin with a lengthy quote from a book I reading for one of my Education classes. It really highlights for me the disconnect I see between the way teachers are being trained in college (at least in my program)and the reality of most public schools. The passage is from a book called The Learning Cycle: Elementary School Science and Beyond by Edmund Marek and Ann Cavallo.

"Why is it important to have the development of thinking ability as the centralpurpose of education? First, all other goals of education, such as understanding the subject matter, cannot be achieved without the ability to think logically. Second, this goal prepares students for their future in society. Throughout a lifetime, individuals must solve many problems, make judgments and decisions, and, ideally, create new ideas that extend and/or improve current knowledge of the world. These activities will not be accomplished if the students in our schools have not developed the ability to think. Third, developing the ability to think is important across all subjects in the curriculum. Content is specific to subject areas and may be forgotten. The ability to think logically is general and central to all subject areas and will prevail for a lifetime. Finally, individuals in our society cannot be truly free if the ability to think is lacking. How is thinking related to freedom? The ability to think allows individuals to decide, for themselves, the value of others' decisions opinions and rules. Without the ability to think, reason, and form opinions independently, individuals would have no choice but to accept the decisions of virtually anyone who is in a position of authority...

The final point regarding freedom is perhaps of greatest significance. This nation was founded on the premise that all persons are entitled to their individual freedoms. [my interjection here - ALL persons? It's a nice thought but I don't think so. I think the group of people this nation had in mind when they founded the US was pretty clearly NOT all persons - but the point he is coming to is valuable nonetheless] Freedom, however, requires certain factors for its establishment and survival, and these include the 'social institutions which protect freedom and the personal commitment that gives it force' (EPC, 1961). But social institutions will neither be free nor advocate freedom if those governing them do not so demand, and these individuals will not demand freedom if they are not committed to it. In order to demand and practice responsible freedom, individuals must have what the EPC called 'freedom of mind', 'a condition which each individual must develop for himself'. To be truly free, and to maintain the democratic society we cherish [my interjection - we are not and never have been a democracy - but again, I still think the general thrust of what he is saying is valid] individuals must use thinking skills that allow each to formulate well-founded opinions, judgments, and actions. Thus, 'a free society has the obligation to create circumstances in which all individuals may have the opportunity and encouragement to attain freedom of the mind.' (EPC, 1961

These circumstances can be created in our school classrooms... In order to perpetuate a free society, however, the individuals making it up must have freedom of mind. To have freedom of mind, students must learn to think autonomously. If schools are to achieve their central purpose, the experiences they provide must lead students to develop the ability to think." p18-19

Ok, so why are schools such conformity factories? In my Education degree, we are constantly talking about how to create environments where children are honored and taught how to think, how to make our classrooms as inclusive as possible, and how to attempt to take off our own cultural blinders and realize how they affect the way we teach. But I don't think that is the pervasive culture in today's public school system. I read stories the news that appear to reward conformity and mediocrity at the expense of authentic learning and creativity. What a different world it would be if schools were actually there to teach our future citizens to think critically and question the world around them rather than to blindly accept whatever they hear. What if schools taught us to recognize injustice, wherever it may be, and to stand up for basic human rights for ALL?

tampons - yep, i WILL talk about periods so be fore-warned

so...
back when i was a women's studies minor a DU, i wrote a final paper about the vilification of women's natural body processes - specifically, menstruation and breast feeding. what i found out in my research (secondary to my topic) is that most commercial tampons are treated with a chemical called dioxin. dioxin has been implicated in endometriosis (which, by the way is rising in incredible numbers). the reason tampon companies can get away with it is that the trace amounts of this chemical left in the tampon is considered harmless. --- here's the catch --- dioxins NEVER leave your body - they just build up - so a trace amount over the life of your period is - A LOT. your vagina has probably the most permeable membrane of your body - and dioxin NEVER leaves! for the love of all that's holy ladies - please use organic tampons ( i have no info on pads so if you use those do your own research)

even knowing this i resisted organic tampons for years. why? because my short-term convenience over-rode my newly gained knowledge. i look back and i think - what? so ask yourself what you are willing to risk?

ok - so here's my major deviation. i have used organic tampons for years now. but this month i am attempting sea sponge tampons. is there a reason i need to throw away tampons - even organic ones - every month?

so i am one day into my cycle, with favorable results so far. but it is usually the "dammit i bled through!" day on two or three so i will keep you posted

fall magic: a poem

this was inspired by an experience i had today with my kinders

bright crisp blue so clear it almost hurts
then
a shout!
all eyes drawn upward
transfixed
by the magic of
fluttering, sparkling, swirling
fairies?
butterflies?
or were they leaves,
green of summer turned to
red
yellow
orange
by the kiss of fall?
who's to say?
my dancing children raise their hands
to heaven with exclamations of glee
as we dance beneath
the magic.
a door opens
and a whistle blows.
we return to routine
but in our hearts we carry the magic of
the fairies?
the butterflies?
the leaves?
who's to say?

think the universe isn't listening?

last week i was talking to one of my best friends who has transformed himself in the last year. he has gone from a pretty scary alcohol addiction to a sober, whole and peaceful place. it has been a joy to see his transformation. he called me the other day because he was having a sad day. he has dedicated his life to healing (both himself and others) and was feeling sad because he faces the possibility of losing his house and he feels lonely. i was sitting outside on a sidewalk talking to him on my phone. he said to me, "pix i just feel like i surrendered my life to this path and now the universe isn't stepping up to the plate." through our talk, we both came to realize that there are so many factors working to support us every second, and that just because support doesn't come in the particular form that we want it to, doesn't mean we aren't supported. in the middle of this conversation, a teenage boy rides down the sidewalk on a bike and as he passes me points his finger, looks right at me and just says "endure!" and then rides on down the street. i told my friend that the universe just gave him a message. this just brought home to me how much we are all taken care of every minute, and we are never alone.

wow, mom!

this is a funny little side note that happened last weekend. cass regularly asks me questions like "who's the prettiest mommy?" and i answer "me?", or will just come up and hug me and tell me that i am beautiful. i have a real sweetie for a daughter. anyway, last weekend i busted out my senior yearbook to show her. when we came to my picture, she was kinda in awe. "WOW, mom! you were pretty!" it just makes me laugh. i remember seeing my dad's yearbook when i was young and thinking "crazy! dad was cute?" you always see you your parents through your love lens and they are beautiful, but it's a shock to see them young.
nowadays, i will take the extra pounds and fine lines gladly in exchange for the greater peace and wisdom that i have, and for the people who just love me no matter what i look like. but it is still fun to see my daughter's shocked face as she looks at my teenage-ness :)

thanks for gifts and miracles

i haven't written in a while because apparently i am really sensitive to being interrupted when i write. i was mid-blog after my portland trip and my fam was urging me to spend time with them so i quit mid-blog. i never finished that blog and am only now writing again - only because it REALLY needs to be expressed.

there are a couple of things that are expressing need to be expressed right now. mostly, my mother was pronounced cancer free this week. the story is a funny one. she went to the ER for something (i don't know or care because it's secondary to the story). side note - she just started seeing a naturopath in portland recently. at the ER she asked the docs to do a scan because her naturopath was wondering if she still had a cervix (she had a hysterectomy 13 years ago). The opinion came back that not onlydid she have a cervix, but a uterus too AND no cancer. WHAT??!! we all think. the no cancer pronunciation is suspect - at least in my mind - because of the "you have a uterus" thing.

a week later she goes to her naturopath (who is also an MD for anyone who thinks that naturopaths are fake doctors) who gives her an ultrasound that reveals - no cancer and no uterus.

i think the main point of this blog post is that before i went to visit my mom in portland, i had to actively fight off tears on a regular basis over the prospect of losing my mom. while i was there i dealt with a lot of those feelings. i came back with a better grip on life without my mom. and now here are doctors saying cancer is gone! i feel like i have been a very special gift - that of dealing best i could with losing her. i mean, nobody knows when anybody is going to die - that is out of our hands. all we really have is our reaction. though it has been rough at times, i am thankful for the experience. now i can enjoy my mom even more because i had to face the prospect of not having her